Cleaning the fish bowl

Have you ever had the oh-so-exciting pleasure of cleaning a fish bowl?
Looking at the bowl, you wouldn't think that it needs any cleaning: the fish is swimming around, the plastic plant is still green, and the algae is only lightly covering the pebbles at the bottom of the bowl. No cleaning needed — we're good!
But then the water level and the fish's dehydrated look catch your eye, and you think to yourself that it's time for a little water top-up. So, you gently pick up the bowl, hoping not to scare the fish, when you notice, as the bowl turns into a snow poop globe, that the look on the fish's face has gone from panic to helpless despair...

Poor fish.

That's the thing, there's always some type of "snow" lying at the bottom of the bowl. You can ignore it as much as you like but it won't go away. The slightest shake and it gets uncovered.

True to many things in life—projects at work, relationships, perspectives—this is also true to the family business. The snow is there. It's revealed itself in countless family arguments and squabbles. And then gently sank back down... But it's still there.

It's time to clean the fish bowl.

The rainmaker

Confronted with a hopeless situation, will you shrug your shoulders and move on? Or will you try and make a change, be a rainmaker?

I keep thinking about those scenes in animated movies where the hero stares over a barren landscape: dried up trees, withered flowers, no grass only dirt, hopelessness all around... But then she kneels and gently taps the ground with the tip of her finger. Suddenly, green ripples shoot-off from that spot on the ground, flowers pop up and blossom, trees flourish and the land is covered with grass as far as the eye can see. Hope is returned.

So, confronted with a hopeless situation, what would you do?

I think your better bet is tapping the ground/waving your wand/jumping up and down — whatever makes your magic happen. Even if you end up growing one flower it'll make the effort worth it.

The Firsties

You know that sinking feeling you get when the enormity of the undertaking you've just took on reveals itself? It could be taking on more responsibility at work; moving half-way across the country; taking a mortgage and understanding that it's "for life"; leaving the family business... Whatever it is, it suddenly overwhelms you and you get, what I like to call: the firsties.

I call them the firsties because they usually come along when you are confronted with something big for the first time. And because it's the first time, you're suddenly not sure of your abilities and you get that overwhelming sinking feeling... The firsties.

The feeling comes from your Lizard brain. It's fighting to get back to its comfort zone, to gain control again. It doesn't like change — not one bit. And it uses every tool at its disposal to reverse it. The worst of them all: self-doubt. You start questioning yourself, second guessing, you loose confidence and the challenge becomes too big. Overwhelmed, you say to yourself "maybe I shouldn't do this..." and the Lizard wins.

The most important part about recognizing the firsties is: recognizing the firsties. Understanding that the overwhelming feeling is actually the lizard fighting to get back to its comfort zone. Once you recognize this, you will allow the sensation to wash over you, leaving you more focused on the task at hand.

The firsties suck! No doubt about it. But there is a silver lining: they're a great way to help you focus, plan and be prepared for the challenge at hand!

Rubber stamp

Why do we spend so much energy seeking others' approval? Why do we need to know that our actions are OK in other peoples eyes?

A big part of leaving the business (and really of everything we do) is needing that rubber stamp of approval. The notion that we need to explain our actions to all that surround us from co-workers to family members is hard to beat. We do it in hopes that they (the others) will justify and understand our choices, and in doing so make the process easier (for us).

The problem with this is twofold. First, you will never manage to get everyone's approval. There will always be someone that thinks you are making a big mistake. Second, and really the more significant problem: even though you think so, it won't make you feel any better. You are making a tough decision and those are never easy...

My point is that the rubber stamp does not exist, there is no point in questing it. It is but a figment of your mind working over-time to justify your actions. The only thing left to do, really, is to believe in your way and lead yourself onward.


For CW

Parents

Are just people. They are people like you and me. They have their issues, their scars that they carry through life.

The problem with this is that as a child you may suffer. You may end up with a parent that doesn't understand you or that doesn't offer the support or the embrace that you so yearn for.

What you need to understand is that it isn't "doesn't" it's "can't". Your parents, for whatever reason, can't give you what you need. It's like asking a blind person to see... they just can't.

There are two things you can do about this: You can stick around and keep trying to get what you want, hoping that one day the blind will see; or you can accept them for what they are — blind. The latter will free you to move on. The former, if not dealt with, may leave a hole in your sole. A hole that could one day effect your own parenting skills...

Conquering the dragon

My dragon was my dad, and a very fierce one. His fire: making me the smallest person on earth. He had a knack for it — a knack for spitting that fire — and I wasn't the only one that got in its domineering way...

But I've conquered my dragon, its flames can no longer hurt me.

Leaving the business was a big part of that. Bigger, though, is when we occasionally see each other: It seems as if the dragon is nothing but a little lizard...

Choices

If you had to make a choice what would it be:
Hope for the best, stay in the family business and risk living a "what if..." life?
— or —
Hope for the best, leave the family business, living life knowing that you at least gave it a shot?

Tough choice, I know... Each has its benefits; each has its risks...

Wouldn't it be great if someone could decide for you? If someone could calculate the odds and gazing into the future give you the right answer?

I'm afraid that someone is you.

Just when you think you're maxed out...

Life serves you another overwhelming challenge.

We could be seriously pressured at work, seriously pressured at home, millions of little problems swarming around in our head, when all of a sudden we're "hit" with another challenge. A challenge that makes everything else seem like child's play.

I've trained myself to become "super-focused" when this happens. I analyze every aspect of the challenge at hand, facing it head on. I have learnt from experience that there is no other way. (Saying "why me?!" and sulking won't get you anywhere productive...)

It's interesting, though, how we are always surprised that we are capable of taking it on. Yes—it's hard, but we find ways to manage...

The thing is that life has a tendency to push us past our limits, forcing us to learn and define new ones. We become capable of dealing with bigger challenges. We grow up. Which is why challenges should be looked at with (at least some) positivity.

Movie review: Intouchables

I've been really busy lately working on a number of projects at work together with assuming leadership of another dept. which, let's just say, has been challenging (in a good way).

The other day, though, we were in for a surprise: my mother-in-law walked in, stated she was here to babysit and that we were going to the movies. You gotta love her! So my wife and I found ourselves kicked out of our home, on a quite night out. On the recommendation of my saint mother-in-law we went to see Intouchables, a French movie about the relationship between a paraplegic and his carer. Sounds morbid, I know... But the "babysitter" was adamant about it. So Intouchables it was...

...and what a movie it was!

Though you would never expect it, we were crying our eyes out with laughter. Yes, the movie takes place on a tragic background—I mean the guy is a paraplegic—but it focuses on the humor in their relationship and there is plenty of it. It is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen and I truly recommend it. In fact, I intend on seeing it again!

If you haven't yet seen it, go. Today! You won't regret it.

The difference between MTH and GTD

Do you Make Things Happen or do you Get Things Done? They may sound like similar actions, but they are actually two very different things.

Making something happen means you move a mountain. It means you pitch an absolutely crazy idea, but still get people to support and work for it. Making things happen means you champion an initiative, a concept, something that seems unattainable at first. Making things happen requires a lot of work, a lot of energy and a huge amount of determination (and patience).

Getting things done, on the other hand, is a shopping list. It's a checklist of tasks that you need to complete in a certain time. It's the nitty-gritty of making things happen, the details. With that said, though, you should not underestimate the importance of GTD, without it our ideas/initiatives/concepts are nothing but balloons filled with hot air... Which is why both are equally important.

Which are you: MTH, GTD or both? Just keep in mind that MTH without GTD is an unrealized dream.