Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The fatherhood "skill"

The fatherhood "skill" isn't something you are born with. Fatherhood isn't something you "just know" how to do. It's an acquired skill, picked up along the way by watching your own dad father you. Ultimately you refine and "personalize" it as you become a father yourself, passing it on, in turn, to your own children. But at the very foundation — and this may sound like a cliché — you are, in certain ways, your father all over again. And it is this "cliché" that I have been fighting.

For a long time, I used to question my fatherhood skills, doubting their quality. I used to see my own dad — a demanding father who would later cast me out of his life because of my choice to leave the business — in myself. I would see him in my actions, in my loss of patience, in my speaking down to my kids... Zero tolerance reincarnate.
Working for him in the business, didn't help much either. The "family business above all else" motto would be taken home every night and the kids would get second place...

When I left I began cleansing my skill, fighting the almost instinctive actions with a lot of thought and patience. Leaving freed me in that aspect, allowing me to search and become the father I wanted to be.

I love my kids to death. We have great times together. Being their father is a true gift. And since — and this is completely objective — they are the most amazing kids on earth, it makes the gift all that better.

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