Thursday, March 8, 2012

Holding a grudge

Do you hold grudges? Do you walk around with a little black book of wrongdoers, vowing to someday get back at them? If you do, my question to you is: Does it make you feel good or bad?

If you think vengeance and anger are good, I'm afraid you are mistaken. They are bad. They're bad for your mood (and thus your health) and they will limit your ability to think straight and make calculated decisions. Yup, they're definitely bad.

In most cases though, anger is really just "denied sadness": in an attempt to not feel week we enlist anger to our side to help us feel powerful. But the truth of the matter is that we are just sad. We were offended and that makes us sad. If you recognize and accept this, the anger will fade away. If you say "I'm not angry about what he did to me, I'm really just sad about the whole thing." the grudge will disappear because there is no anger to fuel it.

It is a liberating thing to live without grudges. I don't have any. I've accepted people for who and what they are. I'm sad that certain things turned out the way they did, but so is life—forever teaching us lessons.

Being "grudge-less" is being free. Free to move on, to be you. And one day, when the time comes, it will free you to make amends.

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