One of the things I appreciate about my new job is the fact that it respects my time.
In the family business it was all about putting in the hours. Many hours. Many many hours. Attempting to maintain a work-life balance was pretty much frowned upon. The business came first, before family, before the kids, before everything. The business was entitled to my time before I was.
This brought me to an interesting conclusion: We should really sell our abilities not our time. Our salaries shouldn't be based on a time clock print out, but rather on our ability to do great work. And great work is done when we are committed to ourselves and the work we produce, not when we are committed to a clock.
Respect my time and I will respect yours. Respect builds commitment. Commitment instigates great work!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Possibilities
One of the most meaningful insights I had recently was the understanding that I am no longer "locked in".
When I was in the family business the lock-in was pretty solid:
If the work wasn't interesting, or if there was no salary rise or promotion, I'd just take it without much opposition. There was nothing much else for me to do about it. What would I do, leave?!
I was locked in. Locked in by guilt.
The other night, while I was sitting on the stoop, I had this deep understanding that that situation was no longer the case for me, and I realized that I am free to do as I please: If the work no longer interested me, I could try something else. If the salary or position were no good I could leave to look for a more challenging post. No emotional attachments. No guilt.
Ah, the freedom.
When I was in the family business the lock-in was pretty solid:
If the work wasn't interesting, or if there was no salary rise or promotion, I'd just take it without much opposition. There was nothing much else for me to do about it. What would I do, leave?!
I was locked in. Locked in by guilt.
The other night, while I was sitting on the stoop, I had this deep understanding that that situation was no longer the case for me, and I realized that I am free to do as I please: If the work no longer interested me, I could try something else. If the salary or position were no good I could leave to look for a more challenging post. No emotional attachments. No guilt.
Ah, the freedom.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Should I Leave? (2)
Since the most read post on the blog is "Should I Leave?", and many of you turn to me for should-I-or-shouldn't-I-leave advice, here's a follow up:
Should I leave?
The answer—9 times out of 10—is yes...
In 9 times out of 10: you are in the business because of family pressure or guilt.
In 9 times out of 10: working in the business makes you miserable.
In 9 times out of 10: you feel unappreciated and unfulfilled.
In 9 times out of 10: you know it's not your place.
And, In 9 times out of 10: you didn't stumble across this blog by chance...
Leaving the business is one of the best ways I know to learn who you really are. To make your own decisions. To follow your heart and live your life the way you want to.
If you are still on the fence on this, you better decide. The worst thing you can do is sit on the fence undecided. If you sit there for too long, at some point it will bring on a wave of self-flagellation.
Been there, done that. Better off deciding now.
For me, as you've read here, leaving was the best decision I have ever made and I haven't looked back.
In 9 times out of 10, every bone in your body is telling you to.
Should I leave?
The answer—9 times out of 10—is yes...
In 9 times out of 10: you are in the business because of family pressure or guilt.
In 9 times out of 10: working in the business makes you miserable.
In 9 times out of 10: you feel unappreciated and unfulfilled.
In 9 times out of 10: you know it's not your place.
And, In 9 times out of 10: you didn't stumble across this blog by chance...
Leaving the business is one of the best ways I know to learn who you really are. To make your own decisions. To follow your heart and live your life the way you want to.
If you are still on the fence on this, you better decide. The worst thing you can do is sit on the fence undecided. If you sit there for too long, at some point it will bring on a wave of self-flagellation.
Been there, done that. Better off deciding now.
For me, as you've read here, leaving was the best decision I have ever made and I haven't looked back.
In 9 times out of 10, every bone in your body is telling you to.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
What do people think of you?
Answer: It's not what you think they are thinking!
People/the crowd/the customer/the audience have their own ideas of who or what your are. 99.99% of the time they are not aligned with your self-image.
So, butterflies-in-your-belly or not, get up, do your thing and look people in the eye.
It'll work.
People/the crowd/the customer/the audience have their own ideas of who or what your are. 99.99% of the time they are not aligned with your self-image.
So, butterflies-in-your-belly or not, get up, do your thing and look people in the eye.
It'll work.
The Little Voice That Could
Making the decision to leave is not easy. It's physically exhausting and mentally painful. It takes a toll on everything and everyone around you. You are making the decision to walkout on someone close, (possibly) destroying their dreams for the future.
It's tough.
The loud voices in your head aren't helping much either, doing all they can to foil your plans. Strumming on your emotional cords, filling your thoughts with the overpowering noise of guilt: "How selfish can you be?! A son shouldn't behave this way to his father. You're leaving after all he did for you?! Shame on you!!". Oh, the guilt...
But under all that noise there's a little voice. A voice that is a lot less loud but strong enough to push you forward, making sure you stay true to yourself. That little voice—your own self-grown version of The Little Engine That Could—will keep you sane. It will push you forward through all the pain and hardship keeping you focused on your goal.
Hang on to that voice. It will remind you why you started this in the first place. It will keep the guilt at bay... And when it's all over and done with, it will help you make amends.
It's tough.
The loud voices in your head aren't helping much either, doing all they can to foil your plans. Strumming on your emotional cords, filling your thoughts with the overpowering noise of guilt: "How selfish can you be?! A son shouldn't behave this way to his father. You're leaving after all he did for you?! Shame on you!!". Oh, the guilt...
But under all that noise there's a little voice. A voice that is a lot less loud but strong enough to push you forward, making sure you stay true to yourself. That little voice—your own self-grown version of The Little Engine That Could—will keep you sane. It will push you forward through all the pain and hardship keeping you focused on your goal.
Hang on to that voice. It will remind you why you started this in the first place. It will keep the guilt at bay... And when it's all over and done with, it will help you make amends.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The school of life is open to anyone
If you wake up each morning with an intent to learn, you'll be fine. If, on the other hand, you're planning on skipping class today (or not attending school at all), you'll get into trouble.
That's just how things work, arrogance will get you nowhere.
It's the same in life: if you are open and willing to learn then everything that happens to you will have a positive side to it because you are generating something good: a lesson.
Looking back, this ordeal could have turned out completely different. I could have let myself become the beaten victim, sour and bitter, with a heart full of vengeance, a place well-known for spawning "side-effects" such as a failed marriages, neglectful parenting, abuse...
But I chose differently. I chose to learn.
And so I learnt about myself and what makes me tick. I learnt about people and relationships. I learnt about the importance of self-worth and looking people in the eye. I learnt how to just be myself and not worry about what others say or think. I learnt to be positive. I learnt to prioritize and focus. And most importantly I learnt about learning and how to make the most out of each trial I was faced with.
This is my lesson for you.
That's just how things work, arrogance will get you nowhere.
It's the same in life: if you are open and willing to learn then everything that happens to you will have a positive side to it because you are generating something good: a lesson.
Looking back, this ordeal could have turned out completely different. I could have let myself become the beaten victim, sour and bitter, with a heart full of vengeance, a place well-known for spawning "side-effects" such as a failed marriages, neglectful parenting, abuse...
But I chose differently. I chose to learn.
And so I learnt about myself and what makes me tick. I learnt about people and relationships. I learnt about the importance of self-worth and looking people in the eye. I learnt how to just be myself and not worry about what others say or think. I learnt to be positive. I learnt to prioritize and focus. And most importantly I learnt about learning and how to make the most out of each trial I was faced with.
This is my lesson for you.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Three Voice-keteers
We all have 3 inner voices that not only speak different "languages" but each have their own agenda. They are:
- The child;
- the parent;
- and the adult.
The child speaks the language of emotions, curiosity, life, innocence and mostly "I want". The child gets angry, sad, happy and fearful; he will get you curious and excited about trying new things; It pushes aside logic and thought for instant gratification.
The parent on the other hand, lays down the law. It will tell you how you should, or shouldn't, behave; what you can and can't do; constantly passing judgment. When you look at a situation and think something about it, that's your parent-voice kicking in.
Put the child and parent in a room together (or in your head) and, well, "fireworks" is an understatement.
Enter the peace keeper: the adult.
The adult does its best to pacify both the parent and child, yet its most important role is deciding what is best for you. Imagine this:
You are at work when your boss walks in and gives you hell for not submitting work on time.
Your child will be all over this saying "Screw this! I don't need this! I'm gonna walk out and we'll see how they manage without me. I'm too good for this!".
Your parent will be giving you a hard time passing judgement: "You should have submitted the work on time! You're so immature!".
Which is when the adult should kick in and say: "It wouldn't be wise to walk out now as finding a new job is not easy. Yes we should have submitted the work, but there is no point in crying over spilt milk. Let's apologize and try and fix it."
A "good" adult will keep things in check. A "weak" one will loose the battle against the child or parent driving you to listen to the strongest of the two, doing something that is either based on your judgement/standards (parent) or your emotions (child). In most cases this will not get you somewhere constructive...
- The child;
- the parent;
- and the adult.
The child speaks the language of emotions, curiosity, life, innocence and mostly "I want". The child gets angry, sad, happy and fearful; he will get you curious and excited about trying new things; It pushes aside logic and thought for instant gratification.
The parent on the other hand, lays down the law. It will tell you how you should, or shouldn't, behave; what you can and can't do; constantly passing judgment. When you look at a situation and think something about it, that's your parent-voice kicking in.
Put the child and parent in a room together (or in your head) and, well, "fireworks" is an understatement.
Enter the peace keeper: the adult.
The adult does its best to pacify both the parent and child, yet its most important role is deciding what is best for you. Imagine this:
You are at work when your boss walks in and gives you hell for not submitting work on time.
Your child will be all over this saying "Screw this! I don't need this! I'm gonna walk out and we'll see how they manage without me. I'm too good for this!".
Your parent will be giving you a hard time passing judgement: "You should have submitted the work on time! You're so immature!".
Which is when the adult should kick in and say: "It wouldn't be wise to walk out now as finding a new job is not easy. Yes we should have submitted the work, but there is no point in crying over spilt milk. Let's apologize and try and fix it."
A "good" adult will keep things in check. A "weak" one will loose the battle against the child or parent driving you to listen to the strongest of the two, doing something that is either based on your judgement/standards (parent) or your emotions (child). In most cases this will not get you somewhere constructive...
Monday, July 4, 2011
Working in a "regular" business
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to work in a "regular" business? Just going to work without the added pressure that comes with being the son-of-the-owner?
I did. A lot.
While in the family business I was constantly questioning myself: Am I a good leader, or are people following me because I'm the son-of-the-boss? Do people truly respect me, or is it that I'm the son-of-the-boss? Am I funny, or are people smiling/laughing because I'm the son-of-the-boss? You get the picture.
And on top of that I was constantly "over-compensating" for the fact that I was the son-of: working extra hard, doing my best to not ruffle any feathers...
I was loosing myself to doubt, which slowly lead to questions of self-worth.
I kept thinking about what it would be like to just be a "regular" employee with no familial responsibilities towards the business. Would people like me, follow me, respect me? What would it be like to meet new friends, make real relationships with people you spend over a third of your day with without the "son-of effect"?
To most, these questions may seem simple or mundane. But after 13 years "buried" in the family business, in a non-natural, unreal situation they weren't to me. They were uncharted territory way out past the horizon...
Leaving the business allowed me to set sail to that horizon.
I found the answers. The fog has cleared.
I did. A lot.
While in the family business I was constantly questioning myself: Am I a good leader, or are people following me because I'm the son-of-the-boss? Do people truly respect me, or is it that I'm the son-of-the-boss? Am I funny, or are people smiling/laughing because I'm the son-of-the-boss? You get the picture.
And on top of that I was constantly "over-compensating" for the fact that I was the son-of: working extra hard, doing my best to not ruffle any feathers...
I was loosing myself to doubt, which slowly lead to questions of self-worth.
I kept thinking about what it would be like to just be a "regular" employee with no familial responsibilities towards the business. Would people like me, follow me, respect me? What would it be like to meet new friends, make real relationships with people you spend over a third of your day with without the "son-of effect"?
To most, these questions may seem simple or mundane. But after 13 years "buried" in the family business, in a non-natural, unreal situation they weren't to me. They were uncharted territory way out past the horizon...
Leaving the business allowed me to set sail to that horizon.
I found the answers. The fog has cleared.
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