Saturday, July 23, 2011

The Three Voice-keteers

We all have 3 inner voices that not only speak different "languages" but each have their own agenda. They are:
- The child;
- the parent;
- and the adult.

The child speaks the language of emotions, curiosity, life, innocence and mostly "I want". The child gets angry, sad, happy and fearful; he will get you curious and excited about trying new things; It pushes aside logic and thought for instant gratification.

The parent on the other hand, lays down the law. It will tell you how you should, or shouldn't, behave; what you can and can't do; constantly passing judgment. When you look at a situation and think something about it, that's your parent-voice kicking in.

Put the child and parent in a room together (or in your head) and, well, "fireworks" is an understatement.

Enter the peace keeper: the adult.

The adult does its best to pacify both the parent and child, yet its most important role is deciding what is best for you. Imagine this:
You are at work when your boss walks in and gives you hell for not submitting work on time.
Your child will be all over this saying "Screw this! I don't need this! I'm gonna walk out and we'll see how they manage without me. I'm too good for this!".
Your parent will be giving you a hard time passing judgement: "You should have submitted the work on time! You're so immature!".
Which is when the adult should kick in and say: "It wouldn't be wise to walk out now as finding a new job is not easy. Yes we should have submitted the work, but there is no point in crying over spilt milk. Let's apologize and try and fix it."

A "good" adult will keep things in check. A "weak" one will loose the battle against the child or parent driving you to listen to the strongest of the two, doing something that is either based on your judgement/standards (parent) or your emotions (child). In most cases this will not get you somewhere constructive...

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