Money is a big issue when it comes to leaving the business. The pay in the family business, including any added benefits (car, house, etc), is usually higher. It is definitely intimidating to step out into the real world in that regard.
The secret: plan for it, get ready for it, because pay will be cut.
If I compare my current and family-business pay, the current is a lot less than the family business. How did I manage? I planned for it, and I stuck with the plan.
Yes, it's hard. But if you ask me, it isn't a reason to not quit the family business.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Deciding to leave and what's next
A reader recently wrote me asking if I could answer the following three questions:
1. How I decide to leave?
2. How I found my new job?
3. How do I find working in a place where I am not my own boss?
I'll post my answers here as I am sure everyone will find them interesting. (Thanks C for writing!)
Deciding to leave
How did I decide to leave? Well, It was a process. A long one. I joined the business pretty early on and spent over 13 years working in it. I started in the mailroom(!!!) and moved up the ranks till I was a senior manager.
The biggest mistake I made was following the path my dad paved for me rather than taking my own. I never asked myself if the business is where I wanted to be, or if it interested me. I pretty much took that I had to work in the business at face value. Down the line this would cause a lack of self-fulfillment, but mostly it caused my father and I to clash over me not meeting the goals he set for me (the goals were unattainable by humans).
The other evil, which exists in most family businesses, is that there is no separation between family life and business life. Business always came first no matter what the setting was. We'd end up clashing over business stuff during off hours (you can imagine what that does to a family vacation).
But the fault that really did it for me was the lack of full responsibility. No matter how high up I was in the ladder, all decisions had to go through my father. It came to the point where I could no longer manage my team as he would come down, reverse my decision (in front of the team) and layout a new set of actions.
I think there were two reasons for this: a. he was looking out for his business; b. he was trying to minimize the mistakes I would make.
I do not accept either: I was looking out for the business too, it was a family business after all; and mistakes are part of life, we have to make them so that we can learn and improve.
And so it was, that after 13 years we clashed for the last time over the latter. He would accuse me of mismanaging my team. Arguing was futile. I quit.
Finding my next job & life in it
The original plan was to find a job before I left the business, taking a week or two holiday before I started. I had managed to score a senior position in a tech company, but a few weeks before I was scheduled to start, they called and said the position had been canceled. (Their loss.)
The result of this was that I spent the next 6 months looking for a job. It was not a fun time to say the least. Money was running out and I eventually swallowed my pride and went on the dole for a short period. It was bad.
But, with the help of some very good friends—which, if you ask me, is the only way to find a good job—I managed to finally get a job. It was close to home (a 30 minute commute) and it was interesting. The added bonus was that it was filled with great people, the kind you can't wait to meet again tomorrow. I love it there.
As for being my own boss—not an issue at all. It's all about your employer respecting your time, something I mentioned in a previous post here. Trust and respect is all you really need to feel like you're your own boss because it empowers you to do great work. And if you do great work you will be trusted even more and respected even more. I was promoted only 3 months in.
If you notice you'll see that I opened with trust and respect (at least lack of) and closed with them. If you ask me why I left the business—and were looking for the short answer—I would say that the gist of it all is trust and respect. The depth of their deficiency while in the family business was intolerable any longer...
1. How I decide to leave?
2. How I found my new job?
3. How do I find working in a place where I am not my own boss?
I'll post my answers here as I am sure everyone will find them interesting. (Thanks C for writing!)
Deciding to leave
How did I decide to leave? Well, It was a process. A long one. I joined the business pretty early on and spent over 13 years working in it. I started in the mailroom(!!!) and moved up the ranks till I was a senior manager.
The biggest mistake I made was following the path my dad paved for me rather than taking my own. I never asked myself if the business is where I wanted to be, or if it interested me. I pretty much took that I had to work in the business at face value. Down the line this would cause a lack of self-fulfillment, but mostly it caused my father and I to clash over me not meeting the goals he set for me (the goals were unattainable by humans).
The other evil, which exists in most family businesses, is that there is no separation between family life and business life. Business always came first no matter what the setting was. We'd end up clashing over business stuff during off hours (you can imagine what that does to a family vacation).
But the fault that really did it for me was the lack of full responsibility. No matter how high up I was in the ladder, all decisions had to go through my father. It came to the point where I could no longer manage my team as he would come down, reverse my decision (in front of the team) and layout a new set of actions.
I think there were two reasons for this: a. he was looking out for his business; b. he was trying to minimize the mistakes I would make.
I do not accept either: I was looking out for the business too, it was a family business after all; and mistakes are part of life, we have to make them so that we can learn and improve.
And so it was, that after 13 years we clashed for the last time over the latter. He would accuse me of mismanaging my team. Arguing was futile. I quit.
Finding my next job & life in it
The original plan was to find a job before I left the business, taking a week or two holiday before I started. I had managed to score a senior position in a tech company, but a few weeks before I was scheduled to start, they called and said the position had been canceled. (Their loss.)
The result of this was that I spent the next 6 months looking for a job. It was not a fun time to say the least. Money was running out and I eventually swallowed my pride and went on the dole for a short period. It was bad.
But, with the help of some very good friends—which, if you ask me, is the only way to find a good job—I managed to finally get a job. It was close to home (a 30 minute commute) and it was interesting. The added bonus was that it was filled with great people, the kind you can't wait to meet again tomorrow. I love it there.
As for being my own boss—not an issue at all. It's all about your employer respecting your time, something I mentioned in a previous post here. Trust and respect is all you really need to feel like you're your own boss because it empowers you to do great work. And if you do great work you will be trusted even more and respected even more. I was promoted only 3 months in.
If you notice you'll see that I opened with trust and respect (at least lack of) and closed with them. If you ask me why I left the business—and were looking for the short answer—I would say that the gist of it all is trust and respect. The depth of their deficiency while in the family business was intolerable any longer...
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Sell abilities, not time
One of the things I appreciate about my new job is the fact that it respects my time.
In the family business it was all about putting in the hours. Many hours. Many many hours. Attempting to maintain a work-life balance was pretty much frowned upon. The business came first, before family, before the kids, before everything. The business was entitled to my time before I was.
This brought me to an interesting conclusion: We should really sell our abilities not our time. Our salaries shouldn't be based on a time clock print out, but rather on our ability to do great work. And great work is done when we are committed to ourselves and the work we produce, not when we are committed to a clock.
Respect my time and I will respect yours. Respect builds commitment. Commitment instigates great work!
In the family business it was all about putting in the hours. Many hours. Many many hours. Attempting to maintain a work-life balance was pretty much frowned upon. The business came first, before family, before the kids, before everything. The business was entitled to my time before I was.
This brought me to an interesting conclusion: We should really sell our abilities not our time. Our salaries shouldn't be based on a time clock print out, but rather on our ability to do great work. And great work is done when we are committed to ourselves and the work we produce, not when we are committed to a clock.
Respect my time and I will respect yours. Respect builds commitment. Commitment instigates great work!
Possibilities
One of the most meaningful insights I had recently was the understanding that I am no longer "locked in".
When I was in the family business the lock-in was pretty solid:
If the work wasn't interesting, or if there was no salary rise or promotion, I'd just take it without much opposition. There was nothing much else for me to do about it. What would I do, leave?!
I was locked in. Locked in by guilt.
The other night, while I was sitting on the stoop, I had this deep understanding that that situation was no longer the case for me, and I realized that I am free to do as I please: If the work no longer interested me, I could try something else. If the salary or position were no good I could leave to look for a more challenging post. No emotional attachments. No guilt.
Ah, the freedom.
When I was in the family business the lock-in was pretty solid:
If the work wasn't interesting, or if there was no salary rise or promotion, I'd just take it without much opposition. There was nothing much else for me to do about it. What would I do, leave?!
I was locked in. Locked in by guilt.
The other night, while I was sitting on the stoop, I had this deep understanding that that situation was no longer the case for me, and I realized that I am free to do as I please: If the work no longer interested me, I could try something else. If the salary or position were no good I could leave to look for a more challenging post. No emotional attachments. No guilt.
Ah, the freedom.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Should I Leave? (2)
Since the most read post on the blog is "Should I Leave?", and many of you turn to me for should-I-or-shouldn't-I-leave advice, here's a follow up:
Should I leave?
The answer—9 times out of 10—is yes...
In 9 times out of 10: you are in the business because of family pressure or guilt.
In 9 times out of 10: working in the business makes you miserable.
In 9 times out of 10: you feel unappreciated and unfulfilled.
In 9 times out of 10: you know it's not your place.
And, In 9 times out of 10: you didn't stumble across this blog by chance...
Leaving the business is one of the best ways I know to learn who you really are. To make your own decisions. To follow your heart and live your life the way you want to.
If you are still on the fence on this, you better decide. The worst thing you can do is sit on the fence undecided. If you sit there for too long, at some point it will bring on a wave of self-flagellation.
Been there, done that. Better off deciding now.
For me, as you've read here, leaving was the best decision I have ever made and I haven't looked back.
In 9 times out of 10, every bone in your body is telling you to.
Should I leave?
The answer—9 times out of 10—is yes...
In 9 times out of 10: you are in the business because of family pressure or guilt.
In 9 times out of 10: working in the business makes you miserable.
In 9 times out of 10: you feel unappreciated and unfulfilled.
In 9 times out of 10: you know it's not your place.
And, In 9 times out of 10: you didn't stumble across this blog by chance...
Leaving the business is one of the best ways I know to learn who you really are. To make your own decisions. To follow your heart and live your life the way you want to.
If you are still on the fence on this, you better decide. The worst thing you can do is sit on the fence undecided. If you sit there for too long, at some point it will bring on a wave of self-flagellation.
Been there, done that. Better off deciding now.
For me, as you've read here, leaving was the best decision I have ever made and I haven't looked back.
In 9 times out of 10, every bone in your body is telling you to.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
What do people think of you?
Answer: It's not what you think they are thinking!
People/the crowd/the customer/the audience have their own ideas of who or what your are. 99.99% of the time they are not aligned with your self-image.
So, butterflies-in-your-belly or not, get up, do your thing and look people in the eye.
It'll work.
People/the crowd/the customer/the audience have their own ideas of who or what your are. 99.99% of the time they are not aligned with your self-image.
So, butterflies-in-your-belly or not, get up, do your thing and look people in the eye.
It'll work.
The Little Voice That Could
Making the decision to leave is not easy. It's physically exhausting and mentally painful. It takes a toll on everything and everyone around you. You are making the decision to walkout on someone close, (possibly) destroying their dreams for the future.
It's tough.
The loud voices in your head aren't helping much either, doing all they can to foil your plans. Strumming on your emotional cords, filling your thoughts with the overpowering noise of guilt: "How selfish can you be?! A son shouldn't behave this way to his father. You're leaving after all he did for you?! Shame on you!!". Oh, the guilt...
But under all that noise there's a little voice. A voice that is a lot less loud but strong enough to push you forward, making sure you stay true to yourself. That little voice—your own self-grown version of The Little Engine That Could—will keep you sane. It will push you forward through all the pain and hardship keeping you focused on your goal.
Hang on to that voice. It will remind you why you started this in the first place. It will keep the guilt at bay... And when it's all over and done with, it will help you make amends.
It's tough.
The loud voices in your head aren't helping much either, doing all they can to foil your plans. Strumming on your emotional cords, filling your thoughts with the overpowering noise of guilt: "How selfish can you be?! A son shouldn't behave this way to his father. You're leaving after all he did for you?! Shame on you!!". Oh, the guilt...
But under all that noise there's a little voice. A voice that is a lot less loud but strong enough to push you forward, making sure you stay true to yourself. That little voice—your own self-grown version of The Little Engine That Could—will keep you sane. It will push you forward through all the pain and hardship keeping you focused on your goal.
Hang on to that voice. It will remind you why you started this in the first place. It will keep the guilt at bay... And when it's all over and done with, it will help you make amends.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The school of life is open to anyone
If you wake up each morning with an intent to learn, you'll be fine. If, on the other hand, you're planning on skipping class today (or not attending school at all), you'll get into trouble.
That's just how things work, arrogance will get you nowhere.
It's the same in life: if you are open and willing to learn then everything that happens to you will have a positive side to it because you are generating something good: a lesson.
Looking back, this ordeal could have turned out completely different. I could have let myself become the beaten victim, sour and bitter, with a heart full of vengeance, a place well-known for spawning "side-effects" such as a failed marriages, neglectful parenting, abuse...
But I chose differently. I chose to learn.
And so I learnt about myself and what makes me tick. I learnt about people and relationships. I learnt about the importance of self-worth and looking people in the eye. I learnt how to just be myself and not worry about what others say or think. I learnt to be positive. I learnt to prioritize and focus. And most importantly I learnt about learning and how to make the most out of each trial I was faced with.
This is my lesson for you.
That's just how things work, arrogance will get you nowhere.
It's the same in life: if you are open and willing to learn then everything that happens to you will have a positive side to it because you are generating something good: a lesson.
Looking back, this ordeal could have turned out completely different. I could have let myself become the beaten victim, sour and bitter, with a heart full of vengeance, a place well-known for spawning "side-effects" such as a failed marriages, neglectful parenting, abuse...
But I chose differently. I chose to learn.
And so I learnt about myself and what makes me tick. I learnt about people and relationships. I learnt about the importance of self-worth and looking people in the eye. I learnt how to just be myself and not worry about what others say or think. I learnt to be positive. I learnt to prioritize and focus. And most importantly I learnt about learning and how to make the most out of each trial I was faced with.
This is my lesson for you.
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